Not all girls dream of becoming a mother

For as long as many of us can remember, there’s been an assumption: that every little girl dreams of becoming a mother one day. The picture is familiar—tiny hands cradling baby dolls, playing house, or saying “when I grow up, I’ll have kids.”

But here’s the truth: not all girls dream of becoming mothers.

Some women, even as children, feel a deep certainty that motherhood isn’t their path. Others reach adulthood still waiting for the maternal instinct to “kick in,” only to discover it never does. And many spend years in between—questioning, exploring, and asking themselves if this life-defining role truly belongs to them.

The power of knowing early

One woman in Motherhood – Is It For Me? recalled telling her father as a child, “Dad, I’m never, ever having a baby.” Decades later, her words still rang true. She didn’t feel broken or incomplete—she felt affirmed in living the life that aligned with her inner truth.

For her, choosing not to have children wasn’t a loss; it was freedom. It meant she could dedicate her energy to the relationships, passions, and contributions that mattered most to her.

When doubt meets pressure

Other women describe a different journey. Some waited for the biological clock to strike loudly but instead heard only silence. “I wanted to want kids,” one woman admitted, “but the feeling never came.”

Society, family, and even close friends often react with confusion or judgment to such choices. Women may be told they’ll regret it, that they’ll change their minds, or that they’re selfish. Yet what’s truly selfish is pushing someone into a role that doesn’t fit who they are.

Saying “no” without guilt

As the book reminds us, just because a woman can be a good parent doesn’t mean she should be one. Ability does not equal desire.

Learning to say “no” is not only about declining motherhood if it isn’t right—it’s about honoring your authentic self. It’s choosing honesty over expectation, truth over conformity.

A different kind of nurturing

Not wanting children doesn’t mean not wanting connection. One woman in the book spoke of healing her own wounds by offering love and support to other women who, like her, had struggled in their teens and twenties. Nurturing can take countless forms—through friendships, mentorship, creativity, community, or caring for nieces, nephews, or students.

Reclaiming the narrative

It’s time we normalize the truth: womanhood and motherhood are not synonyms. A woman’s worth, identity, or capacity for love is not measured by whether she has children.

Not all girls dream of becoming mothers—and that’s more than okay. Some dream of writing books, traveling the world, leading companies, creating art, or simply living a life free from parenting responsibilities. Every dream is valid.

And when a woman follows her authentic path—whether that leads to children or not—she offers the world the greatest gift: herself, whole and true.

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